I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
