But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
