i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
