Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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