I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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