it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
