just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
