how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
