Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
