last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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