can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
