gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
