I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
