dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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