I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
