The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
