Quick, to the slutcave!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
