The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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