i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
