Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
