I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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