I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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