She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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