The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
