...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
