So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
