Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
