They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Randomize