Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
