I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
