biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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