So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize