so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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