if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
