just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
