I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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