i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
