i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
