It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
