i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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