i already hear my dad disowning me
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
