yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
