The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Let's paint friendship bongs
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
