i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
