there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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