I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
