I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
