it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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