I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
