home. puking in laundry basket.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
