I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My hand turned me down
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize