one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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