I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
