our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Less talking, more tequila
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize