Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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