I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
