I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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