bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
