I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
