i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize