i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
