What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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