I'm really into asian looking animals
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
