Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
