I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
