I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize