so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
