also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
