The best revenge is premature balding
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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