Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
