Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize