Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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