chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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