my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
