So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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