so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
