I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
